(14) Despair unto Hope

Quoting the late great monk, Thomas Merton: "When I first
became a monk, yes, I was more sure of my 'answers.' But as
I grow old in the monastic life and advance further into solitude,
I become aware that I have only begun to seek the questions.
And what are the questions? Can man make sense out of his
existence?"

No longer having the answers surely can lead to an uncertain
despair; however, there's hope in asking ever new questions.
It shows we are still alive and ticking, ever moving forward into
challenging new worlds. Like so many of us who are thoughtful
in one way or another, it would seem that Merton was under-
going his particular maturation process.

And gaining ever increasing maturity can unbalance one
occasionally. Probably it's normal to feel "you have got it"
when young. One puts their marbles in a favorite bag, and
then one day the bag wears through and the marbles spill
out. We cannot hold to the "same" forever and ever, no
matter what we are told and might believe.

Merton puts: "...perhaps in my solitude I have become as it
were an explorer..."

And that's what good monks do! They are explorers of the
Imaginal Realm, of the Subtle, trying to work through, to
"Seek God." Yet God insists upon remaining a MYSTERY.
And we explorers, monk or not, sometimes really do get
tired, weary, despairing over the fact that we do *not* know!

Merton puts: "I have been summoned to explore a desert
area of man's heart in which explanations no longer suffice,
and in which one learns that only experience counts."

Tis true, I believe. *Experience* would seem to be the
ultimate teacher. But our life's experience is more like a
"process" rather than an explanation. And as we know,
process is ever fluid. There may be short respites--here
and there--and then, once again, we are caught in the
currents of this process. Like a river, there's both calm
and terrifying rapids. That's Life, that's God too!

Merton puts: "...why is there evil and what is necessary
for a good life?"

We all have our opinions, our cultural heritage about
Good and Evil. Nonetheless, eventually we are at a loss
about these polarities that both caress and confound us.
Perhaps the Taoists make the most sense of these
strange polarities that wrap around us in this weird,
wonderful world.

At the end of the day, the very fact that we were born,
given life, given mind and greater levels of consciousness,
in a world evolved to sustain us, we should be *thankful.*
Responding, we need outgrow ourselves constantly, aiming
towards greater, higher levels of being--and that's where
HOPE resides for me. The fact that we can always be *more
and more.* It can be a wonderful life when we realize that
there's always the next step forwards.